He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alive.
So much puke
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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