I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
