I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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