why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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