people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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