I am puke
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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