cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
