He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
