Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I love having hate sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
