oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize