my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
