thus making me awesome and them whores
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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