this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
