I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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