I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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