He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
