Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
