Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
