yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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