well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
