so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
