you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
