Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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