Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
