david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
