Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
