Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
