Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
