i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
