there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
