just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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