whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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