How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
