and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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