He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
