Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
May the power of my ass compel you!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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