the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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