we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
