Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
