Little spoons don't ask big questions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
