if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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