OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize