Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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