it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
