ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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