he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
