if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
