dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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