i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
