hotel room ftw
she was so not down for the gang bang
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
