Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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