What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
