Whatcha textin bout Willis?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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