his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
