I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
