new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize