College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
