i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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