..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
