She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
