I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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