the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
