i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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