Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
